The banking situation in Hamburg has proved to be an interesting one. It is one of the many things that for whatever reason seems to take ten times the amount of time here that it did in the US. I can now say with confidence that I have my banking needs satisfied, but it wasn't always this way.
For the first month of our stay I continued to use my beloved MSU credit union for all my banking needs. I knew eventually I'd have to say see ya later to my long-time partner in banking but it wasn't until I totaled two months of ATM fees that I raced downtown to make an appointment to open a Deutsche Bank account.
Deutsche Bank has an English website, a multitude of locations, and came recommended by several folks so handing my money over to them seemed like a painless transaction. Eight months later I can now say with the utmost certainty that there's nothing painless about Deutsche Bank transactions.
Several months after opening my account I got my first taste of the hassle being a Deutsche Bank customer would become. It was one of those rare grocery shopping days when I chose to follow the 'buy now, worry how to carry it afterwards' mantra. I had carefully put the heaviest items on the belt first and had my bags ready and open for yet another power-bagging experience. I hand over my debit card. The Frau swiped. And frowns. She re-swipes. Deeper frown. 'something in German, then more German...your card is not working today...'
What? No. And she thought SHE could give the biggest frown.
This shop is one of many that does not accept major credit cards (shopping on credit is not a common occurrence in Germany) so, grocery-less and still frowning, I stomped myself over to the nearest Deutsche Bank I could find.
This is when the second DB hassle came into view. Like any proper European DB doesn't operate at 100% during lunch hours. In fact, from 1:00 to 2:30 doors are closed to customers. But they must stay open later then, you say? If that were the case this scenario wouldn't have made the hassle list. Nope, they close for the night at 4:00 four nights a week. They must be open Saturdays then, right? Ha! That's funny--even many boutiques are closed on Saturday.
I finish at Seedlings at 1:00 and begin teaching privately shortly after so DB's lax hours aren't my cup of tea. When I did finally manage to get into a branch one week later and cashless, I was told that the magnetic strip on my check card had stopped working and that they would order a new one for me. It should arrive in the next week with pin to follow. So I took out enough cash to last me two weeks. This should be enough. Unconvinced, I left--trying not to frown this time.
Two weeks later only half of my anticipated mail had arrived. Because in order to withdraw cash you need a card AND a pin, being pin-less was as annoying as being card-less. Finally, on one golden Friday three weeks after the pin arrived and two additional visits to DB later, my four lucky numbers arrived in the mail. Had that pin worked with the new card I would have chalked the situation up to a minor annoyance and continued on without looking back. Had that pin worked. Needless to say, I was still without cash. I made another trip to Deutsche Bank, causing me to cut a client short, causing me to forfeit moola to get moola. Sigh.
Nevertheless I perservered. Standing at the teller's stand I forced a smile and calm voice as he told me that while yes, they would gladly re-issue me a new card and pin that I must be sure not to lose or ruin any more cards because I only get three more. I didn't need to speak his language to convey my dislike of that statement. He went from teller to psychic in that moment. Let me explain. Each client gets ten cards and you've now used seven.
There must be some mistake.
Frau Dean, there's no mistake, the customer who had your number before you used four cards, so you get three after this one.
Now we were speaking different languages again. Entschuldigung is the German word for Excuse me. Nevermind my aversion to this language's complexity I have always enjoyed this word. At this moment, however, I used it without any ounce of pleasure. I used it out of shock. Then again out of disbelief when he repeated himself. Then again in confusion before I asked how it could be possible since I was not responsible for the loss of any of the first six cards. I Entschuldigung'd him again when he said that's their law and for then for the last time when I said I would go to another bank before I open a new account just to get a new check card. I had worn out the word. I didn't even feel a need to say it when he responded to my threat with a silent smile. Entschuldigung wouldn't get me anywhere with Herr DB. He had single-handedly spoiled that word for me. And I didn't even get to leave with a check card.
Finally, two full months after my card freaked out at the grocery store I am able to use Card number 7 with pin number 3 and I no longer have to bum cash off my lunchmates. I feel like a grown-up again, except of course when I pout and stomp for the duration of every visit I make to a Deutsche Bank branch.
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